Mood : Contemplating
Ok, after much editing here is the entry of "Thoughts for the Day":

After reading everyone's blogs today, I get this general feeling that there is a lot of tension in the air. I also get this feeling how everything thinks I am one of the wierdest people online. Most people probably don't get or understand me. They think they can classify me into a particular group of people but then not all the characteristics fit. Sometimes I'm vocal and opinionated, other times I'm quiet and keep to myself. Sometimes I'm totally friendly and open, other times I'm cold and distant. I tread a very fine line when it comes to emotions and I bet most people don't understand how that can be. Now I'm sure you can tell that a long entry is coming so I'll give you the option to read more in the "read more" link. Otherwise you can just turn away now.

Extended Entry Below

You've decided to venture into the depth of Sunyee's mind. =P I'll just warn my readers that you should keep an open mind about things cause not everyone is alike and not everyone can be classified into a particular group of people. So with that in mind, here I go ...

Lots of emotions are flaring up and lots of people are judging each other on what they "think" they know about others. Some people may have known certain people for over 1/2 a year and think that they have a good general feeling of that person, then suddenly a shocking relevation is revealed. Some people handle the shock well, others don't. So what does this have to do with anything? Well, just keep all these thoughts and ideas in your mind.

Now here are some indepth info on me. I was born in Taiwan and came to America when I was six-years old. I was raised by my grandparents on my mom's side of the family who are devote Christians. I've attended church every Sunday when I lived with my grandparents because that's what we do. Most people thought I was a religious little kid, but I was really doing it cause that's what my grandparents did. At that point in my life I was very anti-anything-NOT-Christian, because that's how I was brought up. Then my life was turned upside-down when I was six-years old and I met my father and had to move to the United States. My father's side of the family is against anything Christian. His family is Buddhist. I'm not saying that all Buddhist are anti-Christian, but the very devote ones are anti-anything unless it's just pure Buddhist. Just like the very devote Christians are anti-anything-not-Christian. So at an early age, I was able to come to this heighten sense of awareness of the people around me - now it's not because I was a smart kid, it was the pure fact that I HAD to come to understand the world at an early age or else I probably wouldn't have mentally survived to adulthood.

Many things happen in my life not because I was rich or smart, but because I HAD to. That's a very key point. But through all my personal experience, I really see how the world of "karma" works on people. The whole world is a very different place from someone who have no particular religion or covenant to belong to. Instead I've simply studied and read about religion. I've done research in Greek and Roman mythology, I've read many chapters in the Bible (old and new testament), I've read some parts of the Book of Morman, I've read stuff about the Egyptian gods, scientology and lots more. I also took a look at astrology, numerology, feng shui, tarot cards (which I'm never messing with ever again), ouiji board (which I'm never messing with again either), and more. I always believed that as long as I had the knowledge that I'll be able to make better decisions in life. Well in addition that I would have better arguments when people come knocking on my door because they believe that I'm just an ignorant lost lamb of god. But in truth, I just don't feel comfortable with any particular religion. I can see that each religion has a good point, but I also see things that just don't make me feel comfortable.

Yes to some people this is blasphemy, but really think about it. How many people choose the path of their religious beliefs simply on the fact that their parents or family believed it?? Has anyone ever stopped to think that there might be more out there?? Now I'm not trying to convert anyone, these are just some questions for everyone to ponder. If you don't want to ponder it, that's ok with me. But considering how my world has been flipped upside-down at an age of six, that I've had a lot of time to think about all this. I was a little six-year old who's world was perfect and god-loving until I met someone who told me I was an ignorant fool for believing in Jesus Christ. I was clearly laughed at by my dad and his entire side of this family and was told that Christ was the worst thing that happened to this world. During this whole time my mother, a Christian, was sitting in the car and keeping completely quiet and silent and putting up no resistance. Instead I was told that I was simply a child and that I was too naive / stupid to understand. Now, how would you have reacted if you were a six-year old child place into a scenario such as that?

I'm not looking for any pity here, that was a long time ago in the past, and I've moved onward since then. I'm just trying to help people understand why I am who I am. After all, certain things haunts certain people. As for me, the words and thoughts that have come back to haunt me are "you're too little, you just don't understand". Those words have always pissed me off. I've always hated people for blowing me off just because of my age. Considering everything that I've been through I know just as much as about life as someone who is 50 years old, of course most people won't believe me. Or maybe because they don't want to believe it cause it scares them?? Anyways, lots of times when I say something, people will always blow me off saying that I'm just plain ignorant and don't understand. That's generally always happened to me in my family and at the workplace. Maybe perhaps I was meant to experience this for a reason, I don't know. But it just happens and always the excuse from people is that I'm always just "too young to know".

Due to my experience of people always ignoring my thoughts and ideas, it's created my cold and distant side. I mean, why should I bother if no one wants to hear me out?? Even if I'm right, people still won't accept it. It's not like I take pride in being right, I'm just trying to warn people of what might happen if things continue down a certain path. But through it all, I've learned that sometimes nothing can stop a runaway train, not even if someone warns the conductor that the train is running away. So if you see me being distant and cold, it's probably because I see something and I'm just keeping my mouth shut cause I don't want to get in the way. Of course there are also times I remain quiet because I don't think I have all the facts to make a clear opinion.

Then there are other times where I just speak my mind. Why do I do that?? It's just so that people can get a feeling of where I stand on the subject and it is my hope that my words might reach someone. It's just one of those moments that I thought I'd throw an idea out at the world and see what happens to it. I must admit that I've grown somewhat pessimistic as I've gotten older. I was always a bubbly little kid, but I think a lot of that have worn away by the sand of time. Some remnents of my bubbly and carefree side still remains somewhere inside of me, but most have been washed away.

Now, I'm sure you all know that I live in the United States. I've had my share of being dissed as an American and being dissed as a Chinese during my online life and in real life. Everywhere I go in the US, I have to prove that I'm a citizen. Yeah, so I'm not blonde-haired and blue-eyed, thus I got to prove to all the officials that I'm really a US citizen and not some illegal alien. Every time I venture into a place where it's predominiately white, I see people looking at me like I got lost on the boat and wondered into America.

So does that get me ticked off at America?? Yeah, probably. But I'm also thankful that it is such a wonderful place with lots of opportunity. I also remember that I can't judge "America" based on the actions of a few. There are some really nice and really mean people everywhere I go. I think that holds true to the rest of the world. There's always going to be the good and the bad. Except the trouble makers are always the "bad". However, if I was ever given a choice of where to live, it'll still probably be right here in California, United States. Not that I haven't thought about moving to Canada, China, Hong Kong, Singapore, or Australia, but all things considered, it's still nice to live in America.

I know America isn't a perfect place and that "Americans" are not the perfect people. There are as many good Americans as there are bad. Generally people only see the bad and not the good ... just because the bad causes more problems then good ... hence that's why it's "bad". But do understand that I, and many other Americans, do see the suffering by other countries caused by the ignorance and arrogance of the American government and media. I just hope that you'll be able to understand that we're not ALL bad evil people. Like Jessyta said, even when we get a chance to vote, it doesn't seem to make much of a difference to our government.

So all things considered, nation-wise and religious-wise, I've learned not to hate an entire group of people simply by the action of a few. It's easier said then done, but I try my best to take things relatively. However I do know that I tend to burn bridges amongst individuals. When I get mad at certain people, I do get really mad. I don't turn back on my decisions when I decide to cut all ties with people. I don't do that very often, but I admit I do burn bridges. Generally the only reason I would ever burn bridges is when I've been used and lied to. People who lie and use me just ticks me off. I'm not talking about little white lies, I'm talking about big blatant lies and backstabbings. I hate people who purposely knowingly lie to hurt another. They just get under my skin and make my blood boil. Since I'm not all that healthy and I do have HMO coverage, I tend to stay away from those people for my health sake.

So there you have it, an indepth view of Sunyee's mind. It took me over 3 hours to get this to be worded the way I wanted it. I finally finished editing this entry at 4:41 PM PST.