Gemelle's Library of Jokes
Disorder in the Court

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Unbelievable, but these are from a book called "Disorder in the Court." These are things people actually said in court, word for word:
   
   
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Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July fifteenth.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.
   
   
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Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
   
   
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Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that
you've forgotten?
   
   
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Q: How old is your son, the one living with you.
A: Thirty-eight or > thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.
   
   
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Q: What was the first thing your husband said to
you when he woke that morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.
   
   
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Q: And where was the location of the accident?
A: Approximately milepost 499.
Q: And where is milepost 499?
A: Probably between milepost 498 and 500.
   
   
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Q: Sir, what is your IQ?
A: Well, I can see pretty well, I think.


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Q: Did you blow your horn or anything?
A: After the accident?
Q: Before the accident.
A: Sure, I played for ten years. I even went to school for it.
       
       
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Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the occult?
A: We both do.
Q: Voodoo?
A: We do.
Q: You do?
A: Yes, voodoo.


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Q: Trooper, when you stopped the defendant, were your red and blue lights flashing?
A: Yes.
Q: Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her car?
A: Yes, sir.
Q: What did she say?
A: What disco am I at?


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Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he
doesn't know about it until the next morning?
   
   
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Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?


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Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?


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Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?


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Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?


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Q: You say the stairs went down to the basement?
A: Yes.
Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?


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Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition
notice which I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.


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Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.


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Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
A: Oral.


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Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.
       
       
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Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?


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Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.

Last Updated: 09/01/01