After every flight,
Qantas pilots fill out a form,
called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about
problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems,
document their repairs on the form, & then pilots review the
gripe sheets before the next flight.
Never let it be said
that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual
maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked with
a P)and the solutions recorded (marked with an S)
by maintenance engineers. By the way, Qantas is the only major
airline that has never had an accident.
Enjoy!
P: Left inside main
tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced
left inside main tire.
P: Test flight OK,
except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed
on this aircraft.
P: Something loose
in cockpit.
S: Something tightened
in cockpit.
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold
mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce
problem on ground.
P: Evidence of leak
on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably
loud.
S: DME volume set to
more believable level.
P: Friction locks cause
throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're
for.
P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative
in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack
in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
P: Number 3 engine
missing.
S: Engine found on
right wing after brief search.
P: Aircraft handles
funny.
S: Aircraft warned
to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target
radar with lyrics.
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
P: Noise coming from
under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something
with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away
from midget
Last
Updated On June 18, 2005
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