Gemelle's Library of Jokes
Cards you'll never see at Hallmark!

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CARDS YOU WILL NEVER SEE IN HALLMARK:

"Congratulations on your wedding
day! Too bad no one likes your wife."

"How could two people as beautiful
as you have such an ugly baby?"

"I've always wanted to have someone
to hold, someone to love. After having
met you, I've changed my mind."

"I must admit, you brought Religion
in my life. I never believed in Hell 'til I met you."

"Looking back over the years that
we've been together, I can't help but wonder:
What the fuck was I thinking?"

"As the days go by, I think of how
lucky I am that you're not here to ruin it for me."

"If I get only one thing for
Christmas, I hope it's your sister."

"As you grow older, Mum, I think of
all the gifts you've given me. Like the need for therapy..."

"Thanks for being a part of my
life!!!I never knew what evil was before this!"

"Congratulations on your promotion.
Before you go, would you like to take this knife out of my
back. You'll probably need it again."

"Someday I hope to get married, but
not to you."

"Sorry things didn't work out, but I
can't handle guys with boobs that are bigger than mine."

"Happy Birthday! You look great for
your age...Almost Lifelike!

"When we were together, you always
said you'd die for me. Now that we've broke up, I think it's time
you kept your promise."

"I knew the day would come when you
would leave me for my best friend.

So here's his leash, water bowl and
chew toys."

"We have been friends for a very
long time, what say we call it quits."

"I'm so miserable without you, it's
almost like you're here."

"Congratulations on your new bundle
of joy. Did you ever find out who the
father was?"

"You are such a good friend that if
we were on a sinking ship and there was only one life jacket....
I'd miss you heaps and think of you often."

"Your friends and I wanted to do
something special for your birthday---so
we're having you put to sleep."

Last Updated: 09/01/01